Sunday, April 11, 2010

Well, somebody's drinking our last ration of victory gin. I'm sober as sin.

It's been a while. That's something of a common statement, though, whenever I update this blog.

See, it's not that I don't have anything going's that so much is happening that I just want to keep it to myself. Every moment feels like I'm struggling for something, and I'm just not entirely sure what it is.

Some moments it feels clear, and others it doesn't. And the reality of the situation is the person I'd go to for this has gone.

There's another line in this song in which the blog is titled after, and it goes "And maybe I owe the Devil a little something just to keep things stable. Cause last night I realized that I was nothing more than just a servant for his plans." that seems so fitting to what's going on.

So I'll back track a few months:

It was January, near the end of the month. I was moving, and so were my parents. I wound up moving to Phoenix, they...well, I'm not sure where it is they live, honestly.

And since I've been up here, I feel like is completely alien, now. I have a job I don't entirely hate. I work 50 hours a week, and I don't honestly mind. I've met some interesting people, been some...interesting places, and so life is just shaping into something good. I need to work on being a better friend, but asides from's been nice. A swirl of chaos, and it feels like....something.

When I moved here, I moved here the night of the AFI show. I lost my keys to the apartment literally that night, which is something I rarely do due to those clips. I had to rely on a public library for a while, and then I got a job.

I saw the Alkaline Trio perform, and it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life.

I put so much faith in someone, and was burned horribly by them. I still feel like I failed that person in so many ways.

I lost the best friend I ever had over...what? Exactly what? Some unresolved issues on both ends. At the end of it, though, it was my pride and ego that severed that tie.

So I start in a new position, where I sit here and I long for just one more moment, one more night on the beach drinking with you, and just enjoying the ride and thrill of knowing you.

I dream of California.

The first time I went to California was with my parents when I was a kid. We'd went to visit my uncle and ex-aunt in Quartzite, and we drove across the boarder.

The air felt better, cleaner...and now, every time I think about the taste of that sweet air, the damp cool breeze that eternally seems to flow...the very fact that if I had to say what I thought paradise was, it'd be California.

I've spent so much time there. I've made a lot of memories there. Hell, in 2008 I realized that after a trip, I'd left my heart in Southern California. Clumsy me. And while it's not in the same exact place that it was before, it's still their relishing the breeze.

But I feel like I just can't go back. A lot of what I tried hard to build with my early 20's is just....gone, you know? And that's where I want to be.

I'm going back to school soon, which because I'll apparently never sleep again. But I'm going for radiology.

The future holds a lot. Like St. Joe Strummer said, the future is unwritten.

So lets get some pens and build something this summer.