Saturday, February 21, 2009

Don't stop calling, you're the reason I love losing sleep. (Day 79) [Guest Update]

Today's update comes from Jonathan Yost, a friend of mine, and Editor of Racket Magazine. He also has his own blog, called "The Emperor Decrees".

Make sure to check the blog out, and head on over to his blog and magazine.

Hows everyone enjoying the Guest Updates?

-Aaron Hale

Our world is evolving, but what does that mean? Evolution is the end result of mutations allowing those with the most desirable traits to produce the most offspring, thus strengthening said traits. Is our world is a hyper-evolved, grotesquely mutated version of what is was even twenty years ago? Mutated, absolutely. It’s a sick echo of what our parents grew up in.

I am asked for my advice on a daily basis. Work, school, relationships and everything in between. Somehow, I have gained a reputation for knowing what to do and I have no idea how that happened. I work a job I despise, watching people spend too much money on jeans that they’ll stop wearing “next season” and dealing with dirtbags and doucherags on a daily basis. I spent seven years trying to plow through school while working and attempting to have meaningful relationships, which I haven’t had in over two years.

I wondered why people came to me, and thought of the following:

- At 27, I am older than most of my friends, even though some are very confused to find that I am older than them.

- I have had multi-year relationships, including a cohabiting one.

- Their parents have less idea of what to do in this day and age than they do.

The last bullet point got me. It was a revelation that simultaneously knocked the wind out of my and scared the shit out of me. It’s not that people are looking for my advice per se, it’s that they are looking for anyone who can guide them. My entire generation is lost in a sea of online dating, tech jobs, global warming and terrorism on multiple fronts. Our parents grew up as the first real generation of working women, where it was no longer “find yourself a woman, a solid job, and settle down.”

Now we have people blindly making decisions based on antiquated guidelines and suggestions. My plans were also based on those same anachronistic pathways. After school, I was fully expecting to have both a respectable job and a fiancé within weeks after graduation. I watched as both fell away and me with no manual to check to see what to do next. I dwelled on the coulda-beens and the what-ifs, searching for someone with the knowledge of what I was supposed to do next.

As I found no one that had such a tome of answers, I blindly forged ahead. Went on dates because it was the thing to do, working an unfulfilling job because I couldn’t find anything that paid decent in what I wanted to do and plowing through the inane bullshit that comes at you on a daily basis. After losing absolutely amazing friends, making new ones and patching myself back together, after coke-heads and South African Jews, a brief foray into the sporting goods industry, our home break-in and my sitcom cast of roommates, after trips to a spaceship house in Wisconsin and a concert in the middle of nowhere outside of Seattle, and after everything that I hated for the last two years I realized that no one knows the answers, and no one should.

Life is fucking crazy, and you have to be a little crazy to be a part of it, but that’s half the fun. Go enjoy your fucking life.

-Aaron Hale.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Lay your malady at the mouth of the death machine. (Day 79) [Guest Update]

Today I'm pleased to give you all a short story. Today's guest update is again from Ryan Gosine, but truthfully I'm glad to be able to share this with you. He recently sent me this short story, and it's very Catcher in the Rye-esque, but I just love it. Not to mention thats one of my favorite books ever.

Ryan is so fucking gifted. I look at his writing, and just get instantly jealous.

Enjoy it guys!

-Aaron Hale

“So I was all walking down the street when it happened. Not when it first happened, mind you, but the last time it really happened. It was kinda like, I dunno, it was a trip, if anything. If you want me to explain it, then that’s what it was. It was a trip, a goddamn rollercoaster. Like the kind you’d see at Wonderland. Not like, Behemoth or anything, but something damn near close. Anyways, there I was, walking down the street when it happened, when it hit me. I was there minding my own business when bam I asked myself, partially out loud “do I want to live anymore?”

“See, this time it was like a question though, not like me saying “I don’t want to live anymore” or any of that junk. I just stood there though, waited a few minutes and then lit up a cigarette, a Belmont, I am terribly irresponsible with my money. I smoked it for a bit, standing in that one spot in the middle of the street. It wasn’t a big deal I figured, being out in the middle of the street and all. I mean, it’s a small town if you really want to know about it. I’ve walked up and down this goddamn street millions of times since I’ve been here, at the very least.

“The kill myself thing, yeah, right, okay. So like I said, it wasn’t the first time I thought that, but this was one of the first times I asked myself, like I was giving myself a choice. Last time that didn’t happen, y’know? Have you ever done that? Just said you’re gonna do something, something even if it’s extreme and ridiculous and will make your mother cry goddamn kittens, even though she can be a bitch? Have you said it and done it? That’s how I feel, like if I say something I have to do it, to make sure that I can do it. That’s why this is bothering me so much, last time I did it, it didn’t happen. Which, if you must know, was a major, major piss off.

“I’m not gonna get into all the nitty-gritty details about my entire goddamn life. Just know that it wasn’t fun, it was kinda scary if you must know the truth. Every now and again I try talking to my friends about it, but they don’t really know what to say anymore. So I try to stop talking about it, maybe that’s why I’m smoking more?

“Anyways, it’s the middle of the fucking winter too and I’m sick, so this makes things even worse, y’know? I think it was cause of yesterday when I was curled up in front of the fireplace, I was all “man, I would kill to be dead right now” and I kind of meant it, but now I’m asking instead of stating, so I dunno anymore. Also, its goddamn February, you know what that means. I’m walking around the halls of school and I see people holding each other’s hands and shit, its kind of sickening when I really think about it. I hate these kinds of occasions, because everyone’s all about love, as if there wasn’t any love before. It’s so phoney and people buy into it and shovel out all this filth and garbage in the sake of love and romance and shit. Goddamn it makes me sick, I need a cigarette just thinking about it. Man, if there is anything to love, its cigarettes. I would drop dead without them.

“I mean, it would be nice to have someone to be with on Valentines Day, I guess. There is someone I would like to take out, but she’s not around anymore. I try to talk to other people who remind me of her, but they’re never the same. They only talk to me for a little bit, then for some reason they just stop. I don’t understand it, really. I think they think I’m crazy or something, maybe I smoke too much? Maybe I am crazy? What do you think?

“I mean, that would be a rough conversation to have, y’know? How do you go about telling people, like my parents for instance? What would I do, write them a note? How would I start it? “Dear mother, your son is insane” does that have a nice ring to it? I kind of like the way that sounds if you really must know.

“No, I am not going to give you my name, you already know too much about me, like I said, I’m not giving you my whole goddamn life story or nothing, but thank you for listening, you were very helpful. I think I’ll go write that note now.”


-Until tomorrow.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

So now I’m praying for the end of time. (Day 78) [Guest Update]

Todays guest update comes from a good friend of mine named Joli. She's a very sweet, smart and funny girl and I really think it'd be an interesting contrast from the dick that is me.

Theres truly never a dull moment when she's around. On countless times she's endangered my life, mocked my masculinity, tried to push me around while playing basketball, insulted me and demanded I place something quirky she does in this blog.

So, I decided I'd let her just have her chance to do a full update, since she thinks she runs the place.


-Aaron Hale

Hi there! JolĂ­ here (yes, its pronounced like Angelina, but without the reputation!) and go easy on me because this is my first blog. I feel almost privileged to be able to be a guest writer though, considering all the things I’ve ever written have never seen the light of day. I guess there’s always a first for everything.

While I’m not literally praying for the end of time, although sometimes I wonder what’s taking it so long), I’m just asking for the end of situations in my life. I could do the emotionally girl thing and get all weepy while pouring out the discontent my heart feels, but I’ll save that for a later date… I just wish sometimes that I could get into the mind of people. Find out why they think they way they do, say the things they say, and act they way they act. Do they realize that yes sometime the things they do really actually affect someone else.

Is it so strange to assume that fact that other people really do have feelings and don’t necessarily enjoy getting them stomped on for the sake of someone else protecting themselves? I’m not just asking rhetorically; I really would like more information in this area. Its not fair for someone to get his or her gratification from another person, having the other person’s get his or her hopes so high only to be cast aside or put on the shelf when the feelings have been satisfied. It really does a number on one’s self esteem. Honestly, when a person claims to care about you, but treats you like garbage it makes you think when did I end up being the bad guy in all of this? You can only take so much until you start to feel like it may not even be worth any of it, if that’s all you end up with.

Some people may have a thing for emotional roller coasters, but if you’re on one too many you could throw up from getting so freaking dizzy. Sometimes you close your eyes and wish you never got on the ride to begin with. Now you’re strapped in, but you’re not the one behind the controls. So you just try to pray for the end of time to get you through and off of the ride. Whoops, here I said I wouldn’t get all girly and what did I do? Oh well. At least I know someone out there can relate to me. I’m just speaking truth and if that’s too much for some people than I suggest you stop living under a rock.

But anyways, it’s good to know that you can always have at least one good friend or a great sister you can actually count on when you get the butt end of the deals. Its nice to take the stress of to have someone like them around. Nice to call them up and have a carefree kind of time to just hang out and do nothing, but make it still worth while. In then end, it all comes down to a choice you have to make. Rip your heart out, or rip out someone else’s? Sometimes the hardest thing and the right are the same, and sometimes that’s all just a load of freaking crock! So what about me? When I figure it out I’ll let you know…

-Until tomorrow

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

The employee is not afraid. (Day 77) [Guest Update].

So today's Guest Update comes from a close friend of mine named Ryan Gosine, where if you check over at the nifty little blogroll-o-dex, you'll see Emptying the Bastille. Hopefully you've taken a moment to check it out in the past, and if not...well...shame on you. But heres a chance to check out the product. The sexy, sexy, brown and hair product from Canuckistan.

It was fun going through this post, and thinking about taking out some of the '-ou's', like...think of the American way to spell color. Them crazies above us (and across the pond, too) love spelling it colour. That makes my Firefox spell check want to shit itself.

He's meant a lot to me. He's been a tremendous writer since day one, and I'm nothing but grateful he'd take a minute or two out of his time. Enjoy it! Maybe I can get him to come back.

P.S: Sorry about the delay in getting this up. It's a few weeks old,. and he's now homeless. Sorry about that, Ryan. I just wanted to secure some Guest Updates before hand.

-Aaron Hale

So I quit my job today, or rather, worked my last shift. As of tomorrow (depending on the time you read this: January 30th, 2009) I will be officially broke and unemployed, becoming dependent solely on my measly final pay check and my vacation pay to sustain me until I can somehow con my way into another place of employment. These days it’s becoming increasingly difficult to trick these manager type assholes into “taking a chance” on me. I am a ridiculously lazy being.

I must confess, however, it really is quite frightening to be a twenty year old unemployed college student. Thank-fuck-fully I managed to scrap by this year with not a single dollar of debt, but next year will be an entirely different beast. I won’t have the luxury of working a full time job for an entire year to barely save up enough drug money to pay for my baby momma to have an education to keep her off the streets so that my son can live a proper life out of the ghetto. West side of the building, yo.

I digress; I’m shitty with money so this is going to prove tricky.

However, in the great wisdom passed down by our lord and Saviour, Jello Biafra, my friends, “tomorrow you’re homeless, tonight it’s a blast!” We have gathered here today like we’re watching the goddamn burning of Troy to celebrate this immense victory in the world of Ryan G. Gosine. This is my brown ass, upping the proverbial punx and sticking up for what I believe in the face of, well not adversity, so much as annoyance and bullshit shenanigans.

Hmm, allow me to explain:

I worked in an establishment known as “Shoppers Drug Mart” or “the pit of oblivion” or “Auschwitz” for a little over a year (Canadians – women especially – know this bountiful land I speak of, filled to the brim with unnecessary cosmetics/feminine products. To the ‘Mericans, consider this the Walgreens of hell), well, to be a little more specific, I worked in their Canada Post franchise outlet. Working in a Post Office, I must say, has been one of the greatest work experiences of my life, because not only are you essentially the on the front lines for verbal abuse and self-esteem crushers, uh, I mean customer service, but you also get handed an insane amount of responsibility, or rather, a federal level of responsibility. If I wanted to get into the nitty-gritty, my employer was essentially the Government of Canada, but don’t worry kids, I was only making just above minimum wage.

Don’t think I’m bitter though. For what it was as a job, it was ten times more gratifying then flipping burgers at your nearest McJob and there is always a sense of lame pride in telling women you’re a “Government Agent” when you’re attempting to hit on them and they ask you where you work. “No, I don’t drive, but I’m federal, baby! Sure I take the bus to get everywhere, but I’m important! Hey… wait… where are you going? I could mail your things, isn’t that sexy?!”

Alas, all good things must come to an end. This is another classic case of one person letting the bastards grind him down to a bloody pulp on the sharpening rock of life. Between them taking away my breaks and me being put “on the radar” for “acting up” and defending workers rights, I’ve decided that I as a living, breathing person with feelings and shit, had, had enough. They could abuse me no longer!

I say fuck you, Shoppers Bitch Rag! You and your bourgeoisie, hypocritical meanderings! I’ve turned my nose to you.

Actually, what really hit me was walking in one day, looking up and seeing a sign that read “Your Life Store”.

From therein it was a downhill slide.

So now, I’m free. I’m substantially poorer, yes, but I have lots more time to do all that fun stuff like homework (which, really, I should be doing right now…) because we are the future, bitches and don’t you forget it! We will rise to the occasion of chance, the opportunity of freedom, live like the constitution says we should! Hell I’m livin’ the American Dream right now! Sure there’s this thing about college loans and monthly payments and all that good stuff about the future and planning for it, but I’ve already decided that I will rig the lottery one day

Or at least live off the coattails of Hale’s fame.

- R.o.A

(Ryan Gosine)

-Until Tomorrow.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

I've been shot down, and now it's time for me to go. (Day 76)

Todays a big, big, big day here at Days Gone By.

But I'm going to make you earn the final surprise. The endings the reason why you start anything at all, right?

In continuation, as promised, The Things I've Learned:

-I've learned I'm nothing special.
-I've learned I undersell myself every chance I get.
-I'm the underdog.
-The machine keeps moving, despite the rusty wheels protest.
-Life is really, really fragile.
-I'll never make my mother happy with me.
-I'm okay with it.
-I can be really short sighted.
-Theres almost always method to my madness.
-The Goonies, Edward Scissorhands, Nightmare Before Christmas and Breakfast Club fucking suck. Someone had to say it.
-I want to be a teacher, or pharmacist.
-I'm done being a guinea pig for medicinal purposes. It's been long enough.
-Girls really kill me.
-I want Seth Rogen inside of me.
-Homophobes make my world go round.
-I don't know what Navel Gazing means, but I do it every Sunday.
-Read, you fucking illiterates. The books are there for our consumption. Turn off your TV's, and see a lost world.
-Instant gratification isn't gratifying.
-Magic fingers.
-Vicodin could solve the worlds ills.
-I shouldn't have survived this weekend.
-Sacrifice the liver.

-I wish I could draw.
-I've always wanted to fly a plane. I even took classes. I might take that up again someday.
-Penny Hardaway was the worst investment the Suns ever made.
-Spray pain on testicles really, really hurts. It's also really, really funny.
-The Military is super easy to make all jumpy. It only takes one dead grenade.
-Phoenix is awesome.
-I think about you a lot.
-My aspirations are larger than you'd imagine.
-I'm done being sporadic and spontaneous to the point that it's irrational beyond all believe. It's just not cute anymore.
-Yeah, I never felt this way about anyone before. Fuck.
-I'm really good at putting my foot in my mouth. I must love the taste.
-Windshields crack really easy. Heads...less so.
-I don't like cell phones.
-I'm kind of boring.
-Silk makes me happy. And not the fabric. You either know, or don't.
-I love animals.
-I actually don't think about those nights. Like, at all.

-I'm not adequate. In any sense of the word, on either side of the coin.
-I felt nothing after completing File Under Powerviolence.
-Jonathan Franzen is underrated. Completely. Go read the Corrections. Fuck Stephenie Meyer.
-Start today. The worlds gonna end.
-Shoot from the hip.
-When people say I'm an artist, I fucking cringe.
-Honesty, more often than not, is the best policy.
-I wouldn't suggest it.
-Opportunities door is neither open or shut. It's rusted and propped ajar.
-If a girl is easy, she isn't worth it.
-I'm never enough.
-Like a song bird with a bad voice, if it weren't for analogies I'd never have a reason to speak.
-Cuck Fancer. Think about it.
-Nothing is for certain.
-I really can't draw (reference picture above.)
-I never met an Arleen or Velvet I didn't like.
-Learn when to walk away. Some battles aren't even worth the purchase of gunpowder.
-Theres adventure in everything. You just have to look and listen.
-It's my sense of adventure thats gotten me through the hardest of times.

Theres probably a lot more. But for now, I'm going to leave it at that. It's a long, long road.

So here pretty soon, I'm going to be sending in Powerviolence to these two publisher, and see which one will turn me down first. It should be a lot of fun. Maybe a race. "Who will tell me I'm a hack first?" kind of thing.

But if someone is drunk at the acceptance booth and takes it, well...hey, I'll let you all know whats the happy-haps with that. Where to buy, if I'll do signings, etc. All that boring shit.

So thats surprise number one. Slightly spoiled it, sure, but I doubt many people will pull through that boring shit. Thats why theres a shiny picture of a poorly constructed drawing in crayon that probably shouldn't have existed. I kill art, and I'm so proud. This is evolution, bitch. Only the strong, or medical anomalies can survive.

I've been looking for a job lately. If anyone in Arizona, possibly Phoenix, can assist me with getting something half way decent, and the pay is worth me dropping my medical and Food Stamps, please let me know. I'm trying to get out of Arizona City, and by this time next year I want to be out of this State, hopefully. Though that might be a bit unrealistic, I would like to at least visit during this year, Seattle, Portland, San Francisco, SoCal somewhere, or maybe Chicago, MD/VA/DC for the Summer. Not a Winter though, I can't take that. Especially in the Midwest.

But the West Coast is where I want to stay. I'm open to suggestions, kids. I did a lot, and I mean a lot of soul searching this weekend. I'm completely restless, and I can't stand sitting here being stagnant. It's just not fun. It never has been. I really like working, but it has to be something that I love doing. I understand stress comes with the territory, but in the end, it's just satisfying drawing a check and getting out of the house for a few hours.

I also decided I need to make the leap from dressing like I'm 17 still. I still like wearing band T-shirts, but the thing is that I pretty much only own band shirts. And almost all of them are black. I own like four shirts that are a different color, and two of those are green.

I want to see foreign soil sometime in the near future, and as much as it kills me, I think I have to bite the bullet and get a drivers license and a car I'll never drive, as well as a cell phone I'll never use. I lose waisting my money.

A few years ago I lived in an apartment, and had a home phone for all of three weeks and canceled the service. I'm just not important enough to warrant a phone, and as far as cars go...I'm weary of driving one, and also I just feel guilty contributing that heavily to pollution. And no, it's not about 'going green' or anything ridiculous like that. I've always felt that way. I've been cutting those soda plastic rings since I was nine. But I guess it's time to bite the bullet when I get a car. I just feel weird, cause I have absolutely nowhere to drive to. I don't think I ever have.

It's my goal within four months to be out of this house, and into a house or apartment in the Valley. I don't think either are unrealistic, and I've been looking. It's cheap to live up there, and if I can get a room mate (which I'm increasingly not wanting anymore) it'd be that much easier. Plus, I really want a big dog, and to throw shows/let bands crash whenever and parties, and I don't want the bitching. I get lonely, but I can't bring my beloved Rizzo Cat, because he's very attached to this residence, and he hated moving the first time. Plus, I've wanted a dog for a very, very long time.

I also am tired of sleeping alone. This weekend a very cute puppy, and a very cute girl both slept with me, and I've realized I'm just done waking up next to nothing (to quote the Trio). So I'm not sure what I'm going to do, but it needs to happen and I need to figure that out soon. I just refuse to settle.

I'm also looking to do a short jaunt in California within the next few months. I'm looking into maybe going to San Francisco/Bay Area for the first time, or even just SoCal. I've got a few friends in both areas, so if you kids are reading this...let me know if you're down with me crashing for a hot minute. It'd be rad to get to see some of you or meet some of you for the first time. So get a hold of me either here, or at my email at It'll be a blast.

In other news, starting tomorrow the Guest Updates will begin. They might be sporadic with days missing here and there, but I've read some of 'em, and they are pretty damned rad. So it's gonna be a lot of fun, and I can't wait to say.

Now, the moment I alluded to a little bit ago:

The endings the reason why you start anything at all, right?

As of today, even though the guest updates are going to be posted up here for a while, Days Gone By will be going on an indefinite hiatus. I want to say that I'm promising it's coming back, but I can't assure anyone it'll ever be the same again. And the thing with something being indefinite is that, it could come back a week later, or ten years later. So take it for what it is, because I truly don't know.

This has been a very, very rewarding experience, and I'm going to feel weird not updating every day. This blogs seen an influx of visitors, jumping nearly three hundred visits in over a week.

I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I can keep away, because writing is my blood. It's a lifeline, but I don't want to rely on anything, anymore.

I wish I had a more insightful and indepth answer. But in true fashion, and in despite of the nature of this blog, right now I'm not comfortable with discussing it entirely.

Thank you to everyone who's linked, commented, returned, emailed, said nice things, said bad things, said anything. It means more than you'll ever know. I'd do anything for you, and I'm in debt until the day I die. It really does touch me in a way I cannot explain, and breaking the habit of a daily update will be so hard to find.

I hope somewhere, somehow, someone will find this blog one day, who might be struggling with themselves, and at the very least just find out that they aren't alone. These issues aren't solitary, none of ours are. And so often that leads us to repress those emotions, and wind up feeling completely alone.

I'm a very closed off person. I hate to dump on anyone, and would rather try to be an ear, or shoulder to help bear the weight. I know that baring yourself, and your soul is one of the hardest things to ever do. I want to make it easier for other people.

Mental illness, and the variety of issues that come along with that are very real, and very serious concerns that often get overlooked or tossed aside. Maybe because theirs little to know physical impressions, and it's so hard to see its damage. It gets scoffed and laughed at, and tossed aside, which honestly...joking is okay. It can exploit one of two things: insecurity and ignorance, or someone coping with it the best they can. Both are okay, honestly, in my eyes.

It's a long road, and life is precious.

While 76 days doesn't seem like much, the ground this blog has covered and how far it has progressed, and the little 'viewership' it's gotten. I never guessed it could go this far. At all, and it chokes me up a little bit.

I've never stuck to anything religiously like this, before. Ever. I feel so accomplished and proud. And if this does return, when and if it does in whatever time frame it takes, I won't be walking away until I feel finished. I'm just not sure I do at all, yet.

Thank you, friends.

-Until tomorrow.

Monday, February 16, 2009

And now I depend my sense of adventure to get through all the rough times. (Days 74 and 75)

Due to last night leaking into...well, right now, I haven't had access to a computer. Sorry for the late/double post. It looks like tomorrow things will be back to normal, and the 'Things I've Learned' arc will continue.

I just want to know why it is I always wind up back here. How one moment I feel invincible, and the next I feel so utterly and completely useless that it's not even worth it to try and wake up. When do these pills kick in? When do the others lay off? Is there anything to make this less demanding and taxing?

This weekend should have been huge, but for some reason I felt like I couldn't talk. Every time I wanted too, I felt awkward and unwarranted. I had the most contact I've had in a while this weekend, thanks to a mouse deciding my arm was a fancy getaway from the floors he'd been roaming at my friends house when I crashed on his floor. I already have a shit time trying to sleep, but really my little brown friend....I wish you to die.

I always feel bad wishing animals to die. Except snakes, which ironically feed on my second most hated animal on this planet, the common mouse/rat/rodent. I like Ferrets, so they get a pass.

But I just realized that this weekend I really served no purpose during anyone else's fun. I just felt like I was intruding. There was a party on Saturday night, where to be honest, the host hates me because I offended his religion. Usually I don't care if I'm offensive, but if it's something like religion, well...fuck, thats just not cool. Ever.

The party though had some upsides, and just random things going on. This guy kept making sounds like a pig being violated with hot coals, to said host barring everything God gave him during someone else's photo shoot.

Velvet got some really awesome shots, and it was cool to see so much diversity in one weekend. Most people who dip into the more artistic accoutrement in life struggle with just one area of their interest, let alone are able to expand upon them to deliver a wide array of something more telling of a life's breath in one weekend.

It was really fun to watch her in action. I kind of wish I could have helped more.

There was a lot of fun that happened this weekend, but I just can't shake this weird feeling. I hate it so much, I really do. I really hate that I was a downer on everyone else, too. I want to try to explain it, but...then again I really don't want to bother anyone. There was so much going on this weekend, I just wanted to be a part of it.

There was a party last night, too. Kind of impromptu, but it was a lot of fun as well. I got to catch up with a childhood friend whom I hadn't seen in years, and usually I hate that whole running into people from the stone age thing, where you have to put on some silly act about just how great it was to see them again. It's so disingenuous, and I just feel like such a liar when I do that.

But this time it was honestly awesome. I'd always liked the kid, so it was cool to talk and I hope we can stay in contact.

I had my first encounter with Kings Cup, which had a lot of fun side games as well.

But honestly, I have another huge apology due to Velvet, and the host of the party last night. I haven't been eating or sleeping much lately, whatever. God bless the lonely man's diet. But when you mix that with some other illicit scenarios on top of drinking, well...things can happen.

After Kings Cup came straight shots of vodka with Alex (the host) and Velvet (the beautiful) to which we all toasted to something. Alex chose DNA research (good call) Velvet toasted hormones (I mean...yeah) and I toasted apathy.

Straight down the gullet, and followed by two more, I felt a twinge of what I'm assuming was testosterone, as Alex and I decided to wrestle. I had him for a while, but right around when the vodka kicked in completely, I took him down and didn't capitalize, because when I brought him down, he landed on my stomach. I quickly tapped out because I thought I was gonna puke. And puke I did. All over my favorite thermal, and his pants and carpet.

It wasn't because I was overly drunk (and for all naysayers who think I'm denying anything, I only threw up after he landed on me, and not at all after that) I just took a pretty hard hit. I feel so bad because Velvet demanded she clean it up, and poor Alex...I felt so bad. I tried to get him out of the way. I suck.

I rarely ever puke, especially drunk. I haven't really eaten in a while, my last actual meal being a Subway Sandwich on Friday. Oh, and a few slices of pizza later that night. Other than that, it's basically just been tic tacs, beef jerky and imagination.

I went to a pow-wow with Velvet on Sunday, and it was pretty awesome. I know it sounds stupid, but I wonder if what the drummers were singing during their time, if the things they were vocalizing were words or not.

While there was so much fun, I just can't shake this feeling that no matter what I'm living in a world I don't belong in, that no matter what I'll never fit in. I'm the kid who reads comic books, and it seems like the rest of the world is there living these lives that just seem so alien to me, be it from sexuality to jokes or anything else.

I'm a square peg trying to force myself through the eye of a concrete needle. It just ain't gonna happen.

And now I have a million things to say to her. I just don't know where to begin...or where to end.

It's gonna be a long day.

Sleep is for the weak.

-Until tomorrow.