So today's Guest Update comes from a close friend of mine named Ryan Gosine, where if you check over at the nifty little blogroll-o-dex, you'll see Emptying the Bastille. Hopefully you've taken a moment to check it out in the past, and if not...well...shame on you. But heres a chance to check out the product. The sexy, sexy, brown and hair product from Canuckistan.
It was fun going through this post, and thinking about taking out some of the '-ou's', like...think of the American way to spell color. Them crazies above us (and across the pond, too) love spelling it colour. That makes my Firefox spell check want to shit itself.
He's meant a lot to me. He's been a tremendous writer since day one, and I'm nothing but grateful he'd take a minute or two out of his time. Enjoy it! Maybe I can get him to come back.
P.S: Sorry about the delay in getting this up. It's a few weeks old,. and he's now homeless. Sorry about that, Ryan. I just wanted to secure some Guest Updates before hand.
-Aaron Hale
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So I quit my job today, or rather, worked my last shift. As of tomorrow (depending on the time you read this: January 30th, 2009) I will be officially broke and unemployed, becoming dependent solely on my measly final pay check and my vacation pay to sustain me until I can somehow con my way into another place of employment. These days it’s becoming increasingly difficult to trick these manager type assholes into “taking a chance” on me. I am a ridiculously lazy being.
I must confess, however, it really is quite frightening to be a twenty year old unemployed college student. Thank-fuck-fully I managed to scrap by this year with not a single dollar of debt, but next year will be an entirely different beast. I won’t have the luxury of working a full time job for an entire year to barely save up enough drug money to pay for my baby momma to have an education to keep her off the streets so that my son can live a proper life out of the ghetto. West side of the building, yo.
I digress; I’m shitty with money so this is going to prove tricky.
However, in the great wisdom passed down by our lord and Saviour, Jello Biafra, my friends, “tomorrow you’re homeless, tonight it’s a blast!” We have gathered here today like we’re watching the goddamn burning of Troy to celebrate this immense victory in the world of Ryan G. Gosine. This is my brown ass, upping the proverbial punx and sticking up for what I believe in the face of, well not adversity, so much as annoyance and bullshit shenanigans.
Hmm, allow me to explain:
I worked in an establishment known as “Shoppers Drug Mart” or “the pit of oblivion” or “Auschwitz” for a little over a year (Canadians – women especially – know this bountiful land I speak of, filled to the brim with unnecessary cosmetics/feminine products. To the ‘Mericans, consider this the Walgreens of hell), well, to be a little more specific, I worked in their Canada Post franchise outlet. Working in a Post Office, I must say, has been one of the greatest work experiences of my life, because not only are you essentially the on the front lines for verbal abuse and self-esteem crushers, uh, I mean customer service, but you also get handed an insane amount of responsibility, or rather, a federal level of responsibility. If I wanted to get into the nitty-gritty, my employer was essentially the Government of Canada, but don’t worry kids, I was only making just above minimum wage.
Don’t think I’m bitter though. For what it was as a job, it was ten times more gratifying then flipping burgers at your nearest McJob and there is always a sense of lame pride in telling women you’re a “Government Agent” when you’re attempting to hit on them and they ask you where you work. “No, I don’t drive, but I’m federal, baby! Sure I take the bus to get everywhere, but I’m important! Hey… wait… where are you going? I could mail your things, isn’t that sexy?!”
Alas, all good things must come to an end. This is another classic case of one person letting the bastards grind him down to a bloody pulp on the sharpening rock of life. Between them taking away my breaks and me being put “on the radar” for “acting up” and defending workers rights, I’ve decided that I as a living, breathing person with feelings and shit, had, had enough. They could abuse me no longer!
I say fuck you, Shoppers Bitch Rag! You and your bourgeoisie, hypocritical meanderings! I’ve turned my nose to you.
Actually, what really hit me was walking in one day, looking up and seeing a sign that read “Your Life Store”.
From therein it was a downhill slide.
So now, I’m free. I’m substantially poorer, yes, but I have lots more time to do all that fun stuff like homework (which, really, I should be doing right now…) because we are the future, bitches and don’t you forget it! We will rise to the occasion of chance, the opportunity of freedom, live like the constitution says we should! Hell I’m livin’ the American Dream right now! Sure there’s this thing about college loans and monthly payments and all that good stuff about the future and planning for it, but I’ve already decided that I will rig the lottery one day
Or at least live off the coattails of Hale’s fame.
- R.o.A
(Ryan Gosine)
-Until Tomorrow.
No comments:
Post a Comment