Today I'm pleased to give you all a short story. Today's guest update is again from Ryan Gosine, but truthfully I'm glad to be able to share this with you. He recently sent me this short story, and it's very Catcher in the Rye-esque, but I just love it. Not to mention thats one of my favorite books ever.
Ryan is so fucking gifted. I look at his writing, and just get instantly jealous.
Enjoy it guys!
-Aaron Hale
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“So I was all walking down the street when it happened. Not when it first happened, mind you, but the last time it really happened. It was kinda like, I dunno, it was a trip, if anything. If you want me to explain it, then that’s what it was. It was a trip, a goddamn rollercoaster. Like the kind you’d see at Wonderland. Not like, Behemoth or anything, but something damn near close. Anyways, there I was, walking down the street when it happened, when it hit me. I was there minding my own business when bam I asked myself, partially out loud “do I want to live anymore?”
“See, this time it was like a question though, not like me saying “I don’t want to live anymore” or any of that junk. I just stood there though, waited a few minutes and then lit up a cigarette, a Belmont, I am terribly irresponsible with my money. I smoked it for a bit, standing in that one spot in the middle of the street. It wasn’t a big deal I figured, being out in the middle of the street and all. I mean, it’s a small town if you really want to know about it. I’ve walked up and down this goddamn street millions of times since I’ve been here, at the very least.
“The kill myself thing, yeah, right, okay. So like I said, it wasn’t the first time I thought that, but this was one of the first times I asked myself, like I was giving myself a choice. Last time that didn’t happen, y’know? Have you ever done that? Just said you’re gonna do something, something even if it’s extreme and ridiculous and will make your mother cry goddamn kittens, even though she can be a bitch? Have you said it and done it? That’s how I feel, like if I say something I have to do it, to make sure that I can do it. That’s why this is bothering me so much, last time I did it, it didn’t happen. Which, if you must know, was a major, major piss off.
“I’m not gonna get into all the nitty-gritty details about my entire goddamn life. Just know that it wasn’t fun, it was kinda scary if you must know the truth. Every now and again I try talking to my friends about it, but they don’t really know what to say anymore. So I try to stop talking about it, maybe that’s why I’m smoking more?
“Anyways, it’s the middle of the fucking winter too and I’m sick, so this makes things even worse, y’know? I think it was cause of yesterday when I was curled up in front of the fireplace, I was all “man, I would kill to be dead right now” and I kind of meant it, but now I’m asking instead of stating, so I dunno anymore. Also, its goddamn February, you know what that means. I’m walking around the halls of school and I see people holding each other’s hands and shit, its kind of sickening when I really think about it. I hate these kinds of occasions, because everyone’s all about love, as if there wasn’t any love before. It’s so phoney and people buy into it and shovel out all this filth and garbage in the sake of love and romance and shit. Goddamn it makes me sick, I need a cigarette just thinking about it. Man, if there is anything to love, its cigarettes. I would drop dead without them.
“I mean, it would be nice to have someone to be with on Valentines Day, I guess. There is someone I would like to take out, but she’s not around anymore. I try to talk to other people who remind me of her, but they’re never the same. They only talk to me for a little bit, then for some reason they just stop. I don’t understand it, really. I think they think I’m crazy or something, maybe I smoke too much? Maybe I am crazy? What do you think?
“I mean, that would be a rough conversation to have, y’know? How do you go about telling people, like my parents for instance? What would I do, write them a note? How would I start it? “Dear mother, your son is insane” does that have a nice ring to it? I kind of like the way that sounds if you really must know.
“No, I am not going to give you my name, you already know too much about me, like I said, I’m not giving you my whole goddamn life story or nothing, but thank you for listening, you were very helpful. I think I’ll go write that note now.”
*click*
-Until tomorrow.
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