gold lion's gonna tell me where the light is. (Day 105) [Guest Update.]

I've got a lot on my mind right now, and I'm trying to figure out a few new people in my life. It's nothing negative at all, I had a great night last night, and I won't get too much into details about why (kind of a TMI situation, I guess, plus I'm not a "kiss-and-brag"l kinda guy) (However...Show Stopper in the house!) but I definitely will give some skinny on some of it.

So instead of boring you with the details, I thought you guys deserved an awesome and entertaining treat!

Today's guest update comes from my friend Ina, who's a gorgeous, talented, intelligent and hilarious foreigner (She calls me Mr. Hale in accents, and I believe in God for a brief moment.) I met her through our mutual friend Ryan, and she's been nothing but a kind and supporting friend who's gone as far to drive herself nearly insane to try and teach me basic algebra. She's also kind of a hippie.

She's a completely caring, and talented individual with an interesting viewpoint of the world, so with great pride I present today guest update. Thank you Eenz.



(God, she's just cute. Be jealous.)

So sit back and enjoy. It's a pretty cool commentary on quite a few different subjects pertaining to Los Estados Unidos.

I'll definitely be back tomorrow.

(PS: Sorry for the lack of caps/general editing. She was adamant it focus more on the emotion of the peace, and I definitely can respect that. Sort of an e.e cummings kinda thing.)

-Aaron Hale
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today was the shittiest day of my life.

i stayed up until four in the morning, talking to the boy i'll probably end up falling in love with. i slept for two hours and had to take a final calc exam which needless to say, kicked my ass because 1) i never went to class 2) i obviously didn't prepare 3) two hours is not enough bloody sleep. ever.

then, here comes the shittier part:

i had to turn in a reflective essay, which i quickly wrote right after the test although i was supposed to take my sweet "time with it", where i had to talk about how my writing abilities have improved. that was my final. my evil stoic teacher believes that i can't write well, because i'm foreign. "writing center would help you tremendously" NO it fucking wouldn't, you preppy old lifeless bitch. i can write your fucking face off and you wouldn't even know what hit you.

and the shittiest part:

any other day, i would have said that out loud. but this is america (land of free speech) and if i had said it to her, she would have failed me and i would have lost my scholarship to one of the most prestigious schools in chicago. defuckingpaul. whose message is that of help and humanity but has transformed into a business that employs the heartless only to inform you that "no you can't meet with your adivsor now even though you really need to. you can't meet with her tomorrow. come back in two weeks?" with a nasty look on their face, as if you owe them their ghostly money.

but i can't say that to her, because i can't fail, because i can't lose the scholarship, because if i do my parents might be ruined. not just their fruitful investments in me, which include the foulest verbal abuse, but most importantly their reputation. but what if i did?

as i sat clueless as to whatever the fuck local extrema, critical numbers, tangent lines, intervals of increase, derivatives and upward concavity of f prime of (x) meant, i wondered how i got at that point and i thought of ambrose and how i could run away to him, with him. ignorance is not bliss, but i don't want this kind of knowledge.

and later as my body ached for rest and my stomach growled from no doz and cigarettes, as i was scavenging to put together lies for my teacher by bringing myself down and then back up because that's the facade she wants to see, i heard some a business-y dressed up boy talk about aig to another. "yeah i guess he's giving a big speech about it, we can watch it live. . . stock value . . . 45 percent . . ." i shut him out and i thought of running free in a green field. but even green fields cost money to stand on these days. and no matter how much i try, i can never submit to the world that is america. that's my final verdict.

you know what love is? love is not a stock market. not an essay. not a number. not a suit. not greed. not lies. not pain. not here.


-Until tomorrow.