I confide in wolves at night. (Day 36)

I've never been good at math.

Every other subject I excelled at when I wasn't slagging off. But math, no matter how much I tried to do well in math, I never seemed to get past the hump of pre-algebra.

My last year in High School I was in the same math class I'd been in all along, because numbers for some reason don't make much sense to me. It's one thing I've always wished I could improve upon, but no matter what I did I never seemed to do well.

The last year of High School I got lumped into a class with a bunch of people who really...are destined for nothing, to be quite honest. It's not that their skills in arithmetic are all that poor, no, it's that they just didn't care. Apathy is a shitty drug that never seems to leave your system when you're young and invincible, and everyone owes you.

The teacher would consistently refer to us as the "dregs of society" and I'm not sure I've ever entirely gotten over that.

Maybe I am one of the dregs of society. The bottom rung, always pondering what the upper echelon is up to this time of day. Who knows, dinner parties and balls or something.

But thats just a weird thing to hear out of a teachers mouth. I live to spite, and I really hope one day to spite them by throwing a stack of twenties at their face, but I'm not so sure that observation was entirely unwarranted.

I've been thinking a lot about the future. I know what it is I want to be, I just have no idea about anything else. What directions I want to be. I thought I knew one time...

It's just things change so often, you know? One minute you're a pissy kid with blue hair and the next you're a pissy adult with a scraggly beard and chip on your shoulder from one too many beat downs.

I just have no idea what my next move is, and I just wish I could grasp onto something...an idea or an inkling of even the smallest notion of where I want to be.

Where do you go for direction? Thats the million dollar question thats left sitting between me and the future. It just sucks that theres no multiple choice. You can want, and want, and want but at the end of the line it's destiny that has that one final say. I just wish I could speak up.

Until tomorrow.