Let me be clear, I have a mean streak my dear. Everyone that I meet I want to stab in the ear. (Day 37)

I love waking up before the sun has risen. Thats always something special to happen.

I know the update has went up a lot earlier than it usually does, but I'm about to go into a deep coma. I just wanted to post this blog as an, "I told you so" to a certain someone. If you read this (God, you're beautiful), I hope you made it home safely and got some rest after that long trip, and I hope Handy, Yertle and Barry Minnilow are all secure. I'm sure they are glad to see you again.

Anger is a weird thing, at least to me. I don't have much of a temper really, but when I do lose my cool it's really just not pretty.

For so long I've had a love-hate relationship with people. Sometimes I love meeting new people, and other days I pray for Armageddon.

I watch the President on TV lay blame on Hamas for the recent outbreak of war in Israel, saying that "Israel was just protecting her people" and my jaw literally dropped. It's comments like these that make me wish that the Muslims are right about the afterlife. If so, that man has many sins to answer for. Even in the Christians eyes.

And I sit in disgust and realize that there are lots of people who approve of what he says. Many Christians accept that Israel can do no wrong, at least American Christians...and its such a glaringly bright example of denial in the highest degree.

Its times like this where I do get angry. I get angry when people defend...well, basically bullies, and I get angry that we as people can willingly accept this ignorance as something worth merit.

Pardon the pun, given the nature and reason for this blog, but its quite literally drives me crazy. It drives me crazy that people don't give a shit about anything, yet still have the nerve to bitch and moan when things turn for the worse.

I know this isn't a Piss and Vinegar post, and a lot of this post is eerily similar to the most recent update, but I'm using this as a measuring stick, this example.

I see though a lot of hope too, and it's a very polarizing thing.

Earlier this morning while I was out wishing I was dead, a mother was walking her daughter who couldn't have been more than three, maybe four. As they were crossing a street, and I was walking past them the mother advised her child to "watch out for the car" in reference to a truck that was passing. Her daughter then politely corrected her mother by saying, "thats a truck, mommy. Not a car." and her mother stopped dead in traffic and replied, "You're absolutely right. Keep me honest, kid." I couldn't help but laugh.

Her daughter was carrying a bag of lettuce, and her mother kept trying to help her and the little girl refused. It made me hopeful in the sense that, "Oh my God, theres pure spirit right there. A true fighting spirit."

So many have given up. So many more are about to because of economic status, civil unrest, a world at war and it's citizens at large. It's infectious, too. It's so easy to become jaded then to have that little spark, and to listen to that tiny spark and continue on with some hope. But every once in a while you catch a glimmer of it, and to be honest...its one of the most rewarding feelings to capture.

It's an almost sacred moment. Not necessarily just the one that happened today, but in that similar vein. It's almost a sacred moment; one that shouldn't be documented my cameras or camcorders. One that is best served only as a memory the way only you could remember it, and it isn't for anyone else because so often...we just aren't looking. And if we aren't looking, then maybe...hell, you just wouldn't understand.


Its the type of happenstance that a picture couldn't do justice to, that a cell phone camera couldn't quite capture. It'd just seem like a kid crossing the street, or what have you. It's the lost art of the imagination being revived, if only for a moment to paint one more beautiful picture.

I love photography, cinematography...things of that nature. I miss being in an actual dark room, my hands smelling like chemicals all the time, and just the experience of searching for something. I don't want to give the impression that I'm against these technologies...it's just every once in a while its nice to have something personal, that can't be fully shared. That can't be compressed to pixels.

Photography though, is one of, if not the purest forms of art. I don't like saying art, I feel its perverse to do so, I am not an artist. I'm basically schmucky the clown with a keyboard. That being said though, photography is an art. It can be manipulated, and sometimes thats kind of shitty, but in the instance of some photographers (see link above, or see her fathers work which is amazing as well) its a reflection of an imagination captured so well. I wish I could do that, on any level in any medium or spectrum.

But every once in a while...some things just escape it.

Heaters are nice, but nothing will ever warm you like the sun and sometimes I think I'm the last person on earth to feel that way. It's the same thing with being there when something so minute happens, yet it rocks you. I'll never see that girl or her mother again. I may forget about this down the road and remember it at the most random time when I'm feeling down. But regardless, I experienced something no one else did today. Thats really exciting.

To be a voyeur through the looking glass of life, to inspect, dissect and respect all in the same. All the worlds a stage, go on and take your bow.

Until tomorrow.