We were born to sin. (Day 33)

I want a partner in crime. Thats what I've always wanted.

This worlds a dirty, dirty place, and I'm no exception to it. I'm no more special than a homeless guy on the street.

And theres something slightly comforting about that. Always being underestimated...

You can run freely in the dark and never worry about stubbing your toes on something sharp.

The lamictals have helped me reach a much better place in my life. Anyone who's ever had more than a two minute conversation with me knows that I'm prone to apologize for shit I wasn't even apart of. Hell, I wouldn't put it past me to apologize for the Crusades to Muslim.

"Sorry Rick, it was just...I wasn't thinking. Good King Richard led the way."

And for what? I've always been so neurotic, that while I don't really care what someone thinks of me, it's a tic, a nervous habit I've never been able to shake. It's probably because I don't want to ever be too proud to not be able to swallow my own bull when I'm very much in the wrong.

I can be argumentative. It's just my nature. I have a voice, and I want it to be heard. I've busted my ass running three blogs and writing short stories constantly because I want to be heard. Whether or not it's something thats liked or not, thats fine.

But now I feel more stable, more focused.

I've had so many ideas that I've never capitalized on. Not because I'm ADD or anything, but because I get started, and then have another idea and try to throw myself into that one as well. Eventually I just run out of steam on both. I'm just glad I never forget them.

It feels like with the medication, I'm more able to focus that manic energy and apply it more assertively.

Why run three blogs, Aaron?

Good question, person who never asked from a voice that I never heard. Good question indeed.

Along with Days Gone By, I also (as I've mentioned numerous times) run Piss and Vinegar (which saw a proper update tonight, and it really lives up to the name of Piss and Vinegar) and I co-author a blog with my friend Miles called For Your Consideration (its relatively new, but its more of just a fun blog about movies and music, etc.)

But I do all of this because I want to try and hone what it is I'm doing better, and I want to become more disciplined. This is something I'm passionate about (writing) and I'll do whatever the Hell it takes to succeed.

If my heart isn't in something, I just can't do it. I can act like I care for a bit, but then I just have to call it. I have no regrets about any job I've ever walked away from, and for many years I felt guilty about that...but as time has showed me...it's something to be proud of.

We were all born to sin. Maybe thats something we should begin to take advantage of. And I'm not talking about harming anyone else, or anything irresponsible like that. I mean that maybe we should accept ourselves, our characters and our flaws for what they truly are; definitions of ourselves. And maybe thats something pretty beautiful, when you really stop to think about it.

Work on the shit about yourself that you don't like, but god damn it, don't do it for anyone else but yourself.

We aren't special in any discerning way, but the irony is...it's our normalcy that makes our colors of gray stand out just a bit more than the person next to us. You just have to work on not being so color blind that you not only don't miss out on your own colors, but those next to you as well.

And thats something I'm slowly learning.

We don't have to apologize for our dirty minds and dirty bodies. We might have to apologize for the stink, but not the grime.

Until tomorrow.