I'm pretty sure I don't believe in God, but I can pretend for a little while. (Day 66)

I really don't want to be awake right now. All I want to do is listen to None More Black, read, and forget everything I've learned or witnessed for the past thirteen months and just go from there. Well, I wouldn't want to forget American Gods, by Neil Gaiman, but asides from that...I'm more than willing to wipe the slate.

Theres a wanton desire to wind up back in Albany, and I'm not so sure I wouldn't have went back by now if it didn't snow. I hate weather dictating where I'll wind up.

See, at least there I didn't have any obligation to myself except to work, come home, get drunk and watch Scrubs or read comic books. I kind of miss that, as weird as it sounds. There wasn't any question about what was going to happen to me, either. Get up, go to work, come home. Thats it. Drink until you're numb on the weekends, fit food and sleep somewhere in there, and when Monday came back around...time for work again.

I had a few friends, but when it came down to it I wound up spending almost every single day, and almost every night alone. It's not that much different from here, except it was almost like being exiled. I don't know now if that was the worst thing in the world, honestly.

I do more damage than I do good. I'm a slow acting poison, and the antidotes no where to be found on this body.

And I think back to what the High School version of me would have done. I'm pretty sure he would have kicked me in the face, too, because this right here is almost completely unacceptable. My music taste is a lot better and much more refined, but when it's all said and done...I'm pretty sure I would've tasted a size 13 Vans rubber sole.

This doesn't feel like life. Maybe it isn't.

Maybe this is satire.

Theres a doppleganger right now living the high life on the opposite side of the Universe, and I'd like to shake his hand.

-Until tomorrow.