Ladies and gentleman, the moment you've all been waiting for. (Day 73)

I want to let you know, the arc about things I've learned will continue. I should've waited for that, but oh well. It'll continue Tuesday, probably. Guest updates won't be far behind.

I'm updating from Mesa right now. I got really, really....really drunk last night. I went toe to toe with an old foe and this time I came out on top.

Back in October, a little bit before Halloween we had a party, and I took a straight shot of Everclear, and I honestly thought I was going to die. It hurt so fucking much. For the rest of the night I would up feeling like there was acid in my stomach, and it was all I could do to continue drinking. I'm a champion and a professional first, ladies and gentleman. Always professional.

But even the next day it still kinda hurt. When I initially took the shot it went down smooth, but as soon as that Everclear hit my gut, I was like an exhaust pipe on a car, just spewing out noxious fumes.

Every party since then I've always sworn off Everclear. But there it would be. Taunting me. Tempting me. Teasing me.

"Aren't you a fancy girl not dancing with the devil from across the tracks."

Shut up, booze. You hurt me last time.

"It'll be different this time."

But if the cops get called again and they find me crying in the corner...it's my fault for coming back...

"Baby, who loves you the most?"

So I wound up compromising and doing shots mixed with whatever else.

Fast forward in time. Yesterday ruled. Today by proxy will most likely suck, cause...I think anything short of being awarded a ten million dollar, tax free check with a unicorn of my very own...and other...things...that are good, too. And even then, I'm not sure it'd come close.

Losing feels like winning.

So to cap off last night, I wound up in Mesa with Arleen. After discovering CiCi's Pizzas' bread sticks, I'm almost certain God not only exists, but he's also a baker. Arleen and I went to pick up Mike from his girlfriends house, we decided that yes, it was indeed time to drink. Crack a bottle.

"Whats there to drink?" "Everclear, and SoCo"

Hello, old friend.

And there it was. A moment of clarity slowed down to a molasses drip. Just Everclear, and I, the scorned champion.

I mixed my drink, which was strawberry soda and the Everclear. When I thought I was finished, Arleen called me a pussy.

Heres the thing: Everclear, besides being a 90's rock back, is a neutral grain spirit. It literally tastes like nothing. Besides the afterburners, that shit does not taste like anything. It's deceptive, like a pretty girl with nice eyes. Yes, you.

So after I was called a pussy, well...hey...I can't accept that. So I poured a whole lot more into the cup. I'm not sure where it happened, but somewhere along the lines of the night...the Everclear outnumbered the strawberry soda two to one. It was just Everclear with food coloring by the end of it.

But I took it down. I was drunk like I haven't been in a long time.

"DADDY I HOPE YOUR PROUD I SOLD THEM MY SOUL"

Eventually Arleen admitted calling me a pussy was just a joke. However, by then the punchline was that I could barely stand.

Arleen called it a night. Back where we begin, a bottle and I. There could only be one clear winner.

An intense stare down (while Mike put on Mean Girls, because that movie rules) both waiting for each other to make a move...I drew first, slowly.

I'd never read the warning at the bottom of the bottle before. Not this specific one. I want to share this with you. So if you come across Everclear (like in the picture in the link provided) I encourage you to go ahead and verify this. Because this stuff shouldn't be sold to people. It should be used to power cars, because it's 95% Alcohol by Volume/190 proof. Thats almost two hundred.

Everclear Warning:

Caution: Do not apply to open flame. Keep away from fire, heat and open flame. Contents may ignite or explode. Do not consume in excessive quantities. Not intended for consumption unless mixed with non-alcoholic beverages.

Cautions posted on the side of the bottle:

CAUTION!!
EXTREMELY FLAMMABLE
Handle with care.

WARNING!!
OVERCONSUMPTION
MAY ENDANGER YOUR HEALTH.
How dare a red warning label tell me, Aaron Hale, what to do. I think not. In fact, the only thought I'm having besides defiance was "there can be only one."

I do what I want. Go fuck yourself, cautious self-preservation. I've seen Converge live.

So I read the first warning outloud to Mike, who was hitting up World of Warcraft, and putting on Mean Girls, because honestly if you don't like Mean Girls....leave this blog now. I have nothing to say that could ever apply to you. You're one of the soulless plastics.

Mike said, "I don't think you should."

"Meh. Bring it. There can be only one."

And I took a straight shot. A big, straight shot. And I'll be honest...it wasn't exactly the easiest thing ever, but I truly didn't crumble like the last time.

Mike, "Dude, that was way to long."

I took about three big pulls of it in one sitting.

Afterwards, I decided I was feeling adventurous. Round two, bitch. Another straight shot.

Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe it was a very big, bad mistake. I'd like to think I'll never know, as warmth cascaded my body, allowing me to know that uh, it's okay Aaron. Father Alcohol has you. Relax, we're going to a wonderful place.

Woke up today feeling like a million bucks.

-Until tomorrow.