My beloved monster and me- Day 157 [Guest Update]

So, um, salutations! My name is Arleen and I'm quite a good friend of Aaron's. He was out with other festivities tonight so he asked me to do a guest update and here I am. He said specifically about my daughter, Alexandria, so I'm going to do my best to do her justice.

Mother's day was this past Sunday and to be totally honest, I didn't really expect anything. As cliche as that may sound, with the whole "oh wow kids you're my best present" bit being overused, my daughter is only 2 and I don't really expect her to understand the concept of why exactly I'm even around. Sometimes I even have a little bit of trouble understanding why I am around. Sometimes it's just downright chaotic and I'm unsure if I'll ever get the hang of this stuff. I'm so used to being carefree and, for a lack of a better word, rebellious. Now I'm telling this fun-sized human to do things I was doing not to long ago because they are dangerous. Makes me seem like I'm being a hypocrite...another thing I'll shy her away from.

Once in a while, I'll catch myself thinking "God dammit, why did I do this? I can't even take care of myself, how am I going to tell this person what to do?" Then all of the wreckless, selfish, absolutely juvenile thoughts blur my priorities and I get sucked up into this bullshit whirlpool of selfishness. Being extremely apathetic to the world around me, I search myself for some sort of quick release or a fast answer. The human mind is a really cruel joke sometimes... the way it lets you think really just throws you for a loop. I'll be wallowing in all of my self-pity and sadistic self-defeat... then a sticky hand will reach up and grip my index finger. My entire body jolts with shame... then self-discovery. That tiny little grip is suddenly telling me "That's too dangerous. You're being a hypocrite... let me help you shy away from this."

Everyone has their own path of life. Some think mine was premature and that I should have thought out mine a little clearer.. but then again they don't have the beautiful life I do. In the end, it'll always be her and I... and I couldn't be more proud of anything I've ever done.