Megaphones in helicopters squeal “hey are you okay?” Searchlights circle, where we lost our way, (Day 213)

Artist - The Weakerthans

Song - Benediction

Album - Reconstruction Site.








I'm starting to sweat a little bit about what I'm going to do when I go to college. I mean the obvious answer is, "Homework, and lots of it." But besides that, I have no idea what it is that I'm going to pursue. Don't most people have even the slightest of inklings of what they're gonna do when they get there?

I've always had an interest in something in the realm of forensics, maybe even working with blood spatter. But the more and more I start to express this interest, the more and more people shoot it down saying that because of the popularity of the CSI series, there's been an overflow of interest in this field. All I've heard is that it's a very unwise decision, and I can't afford to ever make one of those again. I have to get my head on straight.

But the thought of going to some job everyday, and inevitably getting sucked into office politics and the social interaction over crappy cups of coffee and lunch breaks fueled from vendor nutrition...the very thought of ever doing that depresses me more than anything I can possibly ever think of.

And the staunch realization that that's what lays ahead for me...it's very soul-crushing. But maybe that's not such a bad thing. You have to break a wild horse before you can take it to show, I suppose.

The thing is that I could go through that day to day if there was any increment or modicum of something to look forward. But you work until you're too old to ever really enjoy life.

And maybe these past six years were meant to tide me over, and if that is the case...I really hope I made them count.

I've never wanted to see 'routine' as something that I'd willingly adhere too, but maybe it's the gray hair and ever slowly growing maturity that's making it...not quite palpable, but slightly easier to accept.

I keep wanting to take worthless classes, like theater. All throughout my academic career that's been the one class that's been a constant that I always showed up for time and time again. Outside of creative writing, theater has always been such a fun thing to do. But in looking at these classes, I can't help but feel it's just frugal and not something a real adult would ever do. Just a waste of time. A pipe dream not worth continuously sparking, because surely enough you will be coming back down and have exactly nothing to show for it.


I can't help but close my eyes while listening to the Weakerthan's, and getting lost in the stories that are woven over the beautiful chords and imagine myself there, in their shoes doing something that's so outlandishly amazing that it's almost unfair that not everyone can be in a traveling band making people dance and seeing the world one boarder and club and airport and gas station at a time.

At least I can always close my eyes and fantasize.

-Until tomorrow.