Tomorrow is the final day of the 25mg dosage, and I think I'm about as prepared as I can be. Who knows?
Right now though, I feel extremely low.
See, I like to pretend I'm a writer, and for the better part of a year I've been working on a series of short stories for a book. And to be quite honest, I'm nothing but completely satisfied with every single one of the stories that are finished, which...has never happened before, for me.
Part of the conflict stems from a time frame I'd set for myself, which was to be done before 2009. Not edited and everything, just the content written and finished.
See the other day I got the idea for two new short stories, both are outlined and I know exactly where I want to go with them. One is titled, "South Paw" and the other, "Chet".
And where the main conflict comes, is with the content. It has the potential to hurt people I care about, to be divisive and polarizing in a way that just wouldn't be worth it.
But I've always been able to push whatever envelope I could, to not just cross any lines, but emphatically jump over them and take my stance. But now I feel like I've compromised something I felt I never could. Because of this...I feel this could be the end of me attempting to be a writer, and move on to something completely different.
To be completely honest, I wish to God I'd never had this idea.
And I know I could decide right now not to write the story, and be nothing short of happy.
But in doing so, being torn up so much because of the content...I'm not sure I'm even fit anymore to even fucking attempt anything. If you bend on one thing, then why not go back and take out everything else objectionable?
If I do decide to write this...how can I do so and feel honest about it?
All I can do now is second guess myself.
And all I can think of is that...maybe it's time to hang it up.
Until tomorrow.
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2 comments:
it is not time to hang up. you are a writer by blood. it is what you were put on this earth to do. just because you do not choose to tackle an idea does not mean you're compromising your integrity or contradicting yourself.
I can completely understand why you wouldn't want to do it though.
However, If anything you're the only person I know who could write that type of story and pull it off with skill, humility and a hint of panache.
You're an inspiration to me and the literary world would lose a valuable asset if you were to give up because of this.
Quit over-thinking it.
Write the fucking story.
Fuck em if they can't take a joke.
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