Get up, get off your horse boy you're nothing special. (Day 49)

Theres nothing more palpable than failure, except for maybe raw hatred.

And right now I'm chock full of both. I consider myself to be a very patient guy, but right now it's run very thin, and if something doesn't snap this stressful strain I might just drop dead.

I believed in people, until recently. I'd say within the past forty-eight hours any confidence I had in myself, and faith in humanity as a whole has basically dissipated. Never has the cup been half empty and half full. It feels so bone dry, yet it's about to overflow.

It's enough to make me want to cut ties with my life here entirely and move to the East Coast and just get lost in music and the politics that come with living in an area so close to what drives me insane on a day-by-day basis. Every single noise that tickles my ears make my brain hurt, and theres so much restraint right now and to be quite honest with you, I don't even know why.

I want to bury my hand in plaster, I want to punch out walls because...hell, I live in Arizona. I could really use a sky light, and since we're going green in our society I could always save some money by not running the air conditioner in the summer. Get a nice little cross breeze going.

I can't help but feel like I'm cracking up, entirely. I feel like I'm becoming paranoid, and every single breath of air feels like it's drowned in a catastrophic coating of some disease I've yet to discover. That goes completely for all of humanity.

Every breath, every word, every syllable and pronoun caves in my chest and I just want to fight back. Opportunity is an eleven-letter word thats just a cute way of going the long route of saying, "future failure". I don't know if anyone else is seeing what I'm seeing. Maybe I'm just cracking up.

Maybe I just need to get laid.

Just something to calm the shakes and twitches, because I'm getting sick of pills taking so long to take effect.

Until tomorrow.