Failures always sounded better, let's fuck it up boys--MAKE SOME NOISE! (Day 139)

I feel completely rested.

That's one thing that's always been a constant. Not feeling rested, but rather always dealing with waking up exhausted and trying to squeeze a little bit more sleep out of it, but that always comes up snakes eyes.

My entire life, no matter what happens...my mind always happens.

And the only way this ever really goes away, is if circumstances of a less than reputable nature dig their talons firmly in the night before.

Sometimes I only drink in excess as much as I can so I can sleep. Sleeping pills don't work for me, at all, and I take some pretty high doses of some really heavy hitters. Ambien just tickles.

Most of the time, when I'm trying to go to sleep, I keep feeling and thinking that I'm missing something, or that that particular moment is the one I need to capitalize upon to start right now. When I wake up, that feelings gone and I try as hard as I can to get that back.

I blew my knee out again yesterday.

Ironic, given the subject of the prior blog, ha.

But it gets so fucking frustrating. I can't keep letting this happen to me.

When I was younger I had a lot of back issues, and they still are a reoccurring factor in my life. But I always used to have to wear this back brace as a result of it. I stopped wearing it one day, because a second grader who's having a difficult time making friends really doesn't need the help from back braces. Kids used to sneak up behind me and punch me as hard as they could in the back to see if I could feel it. Granted, that's pretty funny the first couple of a dozen times a day, but it really starts to wear thin. Never mind the fact that I also had braces inside of my shoes...

Point being, I now have a brace for my knee. It's a heavy duty one, and every morning I look at it, and I just can't bring myself to put it on. I can't stop thinking about what the last experience was like, and this one is worse...it's got steel joints that protrude like I'm some kind of bionic kid, or something. I hate it, with the depths of my being.

So I'm surprised I slept so well last night.

"I'm glad I didn't die before I met you."

-Until tomorrow.