Song - As Much As I Ever Could
Album - Bring Me Your Love
So, Aaron, in all his technological ineptitude, had the A, D, F and space bar keys go out on his keyboard so he asked me to fill in. So, as I sit here watching House, I try to decide what to yack about.
Politics? I could yack about all the laptop politics sweeping across the blogosphere, Twitter and Facebook. People turning their icons green to "support democracy" in a country they can't pronounce right. Head's up, it's pronounced "I-Ron," not "I-Ran." Nah, that shit pisses me off too much.
Relationships? While the song I chose would make you think this would be the topic of the day, I think Aaron is far more succinct in writing about this half of the species. It's been two and a half year's since I was in a relationship, and while I miss being in love, it's been nice to focus on myself. And when half my friend's relationships are in the shitter, I cringe when I think about relationships. Plus, I've had a trying day when it comes to women. We'll skip this as well.
Religion? Yea, I'm cool with that. I got myself a nice little soapbox to shout from and there is some exciting news in the world of Christianity. If you haven't heard, a 16-century-old bible was published online. How cool is that? Even if you despise Christians, Muslims, Jews or any other follower of organized religion, you have to admit that is cool. But, I also want to highlight me, so I will use this Bible to illustrate a point.
Imagine a bright eyed and bushy tailed young Emperor with a proper conservative haircut thinking his Gecko Hawaii shirts were soooooo cool. Every sunday consisted of Church, Sizzler's all-you-can-eat salad bar and back to my great-grandma's house to get my ass handed to me in Scrabble. I liked church. One of my best friends was the youth pastor's son and my great grandma was one of the founders, so I got to run around and explore a bit more than others.
My development in the church was sped up a bit, too. I was teaching the 1st and 2nd grade Sunday School by 14 years old and was an assistant teacher for a doctrine class at 16. But, it was around this time that I started asking questions of the church officers, teachers and pastors and getting exceptionally substandard answers. How do you explain dinosaurs not being around when people were? If there was only Adam and Eve, and they bred Cain and Able, where the hell did Cain and Abel's wives come from? Were they their sisters? Ew.
The biggest question, and the one I never got a satisfactory answer to was: If the Bible is the literal, unadulterated word of God, then why are there so many versions? King James, New International, The Torah, the Apocrypha. It's like pizza, there's a basis, and then people add their toppings willy nilly. It's still pizza, but it's not the same. Now, this old as dirt Bible has five or so extra books that are not in any of the current renditions of the Bible. Why the hell not?
So there it is, my major gripe about Christianity, besides most Christians, is that you have people who will kill in the name of a religion they can't even agree on. And end soapbox, exit stage right. I hope you've enjoyed this gripping tale of inane bullshit and selfish rambling.
Until next time, ladies and gentlemen,
Dr. Jonathan "The Emperor" Yost
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